Pagliacci

I haven't been feeling very funny the past few days. This is a bad thing for me. My whole personality, really my whole social life, centers on the simple fact that I have a propensity for making people laugh. It's just something that comes naturally to me. A lot of people say that being funny is difficult; actor Edmund Gween reportedly said on his deathbed that "dying is easy; comedy is hard." I can almost understand this, but not really. You never can understand why some people are unable to do something that you excel at. The viewpoints are just so distorted that there can be no meeting in the middle.

The way I go about comedy isn't all that complicated either. I mostly just listen. I listen to what people say, what they don't say, what they say with their bodies; then, I turn those signals inside out and find the humor in them. I use funny words, funny expressions, awkward gestures, any and all tools. And a lot of the time, it bombs spectacularly. No one can be funny all the time; it's been scientifically proven. I think. Somewhere. But I don't let that dissuade me; I just shake it off, smile big, and pray to God somebody says something that can be twisted into a sexual innuendo.

This hasn't really been happening the last few days, though. I make a joke, and no one laughs; I try again, and its the same. For someone like me, its a depressing experience; you're a jester one day, and the next no one seems to give a shit. Its also a bit of a humbling one, too. If comedy is all I have to go on, it suggests, maybe I should be a little more serious. Its just a thought.
I think it also has a bit to do with my mindset. Ive been socially paranoid the last few days, and that's hell for self-effacement, which is what I do best. There's a point in mocking yourself where you don't know whether everybodys laughing with you or at you. And it makes a hell of a difference. I honestly hope its still the first one. Please, still be the first one.
I'm feeling a bit better now, though. With all the hormonal and mental and teenagerial events swirling around right now, its probably just a temporary side-effect.

Hopefully.